awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
