I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
