In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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