I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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