No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
