I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize