Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
