I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
