Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
