I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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