My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's the barista slut.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
whose parrot is this?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
