The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
