Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
