Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
