I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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