The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
