I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
