you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had sex on a roof
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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