hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
