Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
