No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
