i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.