Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me