I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead