they need to just BURY HIM!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
