In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."