Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean