gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
