my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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