Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
