Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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