Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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