Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bring money and cleavage
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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