We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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