Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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