HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
