My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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