I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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