i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
