Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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