he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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