i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
