That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
