so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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