you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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