made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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