this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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