my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
