Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i think i just lost a toe
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
