My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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