why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
