I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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