my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
