I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
