i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
