He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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