just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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