Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
