I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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