I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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