Farmville is her only friend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
