Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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