fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
