So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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