I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
