the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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