So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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