Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
