Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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