this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
