i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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