I'm going to jail i love you
You smell like stripper and shame
bring money and cleavage
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
