There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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