My friends, they love my intelligence
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
