We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
