I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
