Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The beer is more important than you right now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
