Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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