ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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