You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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