I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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