mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
