I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I could make wine with my vomit
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
